I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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