so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
