you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
nutella sex= disaster
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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