Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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