Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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