We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
