where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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