Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
