Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
