She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize