omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
