He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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