i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
