I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
