Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
