can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize