How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize