I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
