so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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