its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
