btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
