so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
