I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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