Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
one two three fourrrrnication!
he thought i was a dude.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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