Don't make out with my wife yet
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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