Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
