Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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