Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
