Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
