Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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