your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
