I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
