I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
