Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't deserve a penis
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
