You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My vagina just recognized that song.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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