Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
