Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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