For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
