I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
