Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
