I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
