Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
