I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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