Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
People in love make me want to vomit
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize