I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
"it" just moved
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
