Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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