I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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