We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
