He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
