I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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