Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
