Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
