so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
