please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
