don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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