Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
