something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
