he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
