When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
