You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
