Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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