Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
