I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
