I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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