My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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