Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
