I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
