There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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