This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
