You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm jealous of your bromance
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
