searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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