Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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